We are writing this post with a heavy heart.
We have spent the last week visiting the girl. During this time, we have come to the conclusion that this girl has some very deep emotional and behavioral issues. Therefore, we made the decision that we could not adopt her. This was a relatively easy decision for us.
The hard part is that by not adopting the girl, we are unable to adopt the boy. Ukraine will not separate siblings for international adoptions (but they will for adoptions by other Ukraine families). This is so difficult for us because we love the boy very much and feel that he is our child.
We are feeling a lot of grief around losing the boy. Our facilitators are not providing us any support. We look forward to being back in the States with friends and family.
We return on Tuesday.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Wednesday Update
We are back in Bilhorod and staying at the missionary. We were staying in the resort area of Odesa, closer to the girl. The place where they sent us was a little more expensive and called a "resort" room. We had hopes of air conditioning and comfort. No such luck. Resort on this side of the world means you get a shower nozzle attached to your bathroom sink and a couple of twin beds pushed against the wall.
We saw the girl twice since the last blog update. After the first meeting, the girl was asking about us and when we would come back. She was also asking if we would take her to see her brother, who she still remembers. The second time we came, she ran up to us and hugged us and would not let go of Kathleen's arm. She said she was not letting us go. Today, she kept asking Jeff for something repeatedly and we had no idea what she wanted - until finally one of the caregivers told us it was gum.
We are moving towards completing the paperwork for adopting both the boy and the girl. We are trying to get that done by the end of this week, so we can get a court date scheduled on Monday (probably for the end of next week). That is ambitious, but we are trying to get out of here as quickly as possible. It feels like we have been here a long time already.
Our days are now spent like this: Get up in the morning, have a taxi take us to Odessa (approx 2 hours), visit with the girl for two hours, return to Bilhorod (another 2 hour drive), stop at the internet cafe in town, go to the other orphanage to visit the boy, then spend a few hours resting in the evening (doing laundry, eating, etc). It is a busy day, but nice to have a routine.
We saw the girl twice since the last blog update. After the first meeting, the girl was asking about us and when we would come back. She was also asking if we would take her to see her brother, who she still remembers. The second time we came, she ran up to us and hugged us and would not let go of Kathleen's arm. She said she was not letting us go. Today, she kept asking Jeff for something repeatedly and we had no idea what she wanted - until finally one of the caregivers told us it was gum.
We are moving towards completing the paperwork for adopting both the boy and the girl. We are trying to get that done by the end of this week, so we can get a court date scheduled on Monday (probably for the end of next week). That is ambitious, but we are trying to get out of here as quickly as possible. It feels like we have been here a long time already.
Our days are now spent like this: Get up in the morning, have a taxi take us to Odessa (approx 2 hours), visit with the girl for two hours, return to Bilhorod (another 2 hour drive), stop at the internet cafe in town, go to the other orphanage to visit the boy, then spend a few hours resting in the evening (doing laundry, eating, etc). It is a busy day, but nice to have a routine.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
We are not returning home
Things change over here by the minute. We wish we could tell you why or how, but we do not fully understand the system here. I will say that it is political and corrupt and we seem to have been dropped into the middle of some crazy situation.
We were finally allowed to see the boy's sister. She was perfectly healthy and not sick and crazy as she was described. She is a normal active 5 year old who loves to swim and loves to act in plays. We like her a lot and plan to travel down to the region to meet with her on a regular basis to see if we can bond and if she would like to be adopted by us. She remembers her brother and asked if she could see him.
Keep good thoughts for us. We would love to come home with both children.
We know we are being supported and protected. When we have time, we will tell you about our awful experience when the car broke down in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.
We were finally allowed to see the boy's sister. She was perfectly healthy and not sick and crazy as she was described. She is a normal active 5 year old who loves to swim and loves to act in plays. We like her a lot and plan to travel down to the region to meet with her on a regular basis to see if we can bond and if she would like to be adopted by us. She remembers her brother and asked if she could see him.
Keep good thoughts for us. We would love to come home with both children.
We know we are being supported and protected. When we have time, we will tell you about our awful experience when the car broke down in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Returning home
Thanks to everyone for your comments. It means a lot to us to know there are great family and friends at home supporting us.
We have decided to return home early. There are many legal issues with separating this boy. The sister has a family who wants to adopt her (she has many physical and psychological problems) but this family has not yet filled out the "official" documents. If they do this, then we have been told that the boy will be separated and we will be able to adopt him. However, this resolution may take weeks and there is no guarantee that the family will complete this paperwork.
We have decided to come home and wait to see what will happen. If things are resolved and we receive permission to adopt the boy, we will fly back for the court date. If we do not receive permission to adopt the boy, we will need to reevaluate the situation.
We have decided to return home early. There are many legal issues with separating this boy. The sister has a family who wants to adopt her (she has many physical and psychological problems) but this family has not yet filled out the "official" documents. If they do this, then we have been told that the boy will be separated and we will be able to adopt him. However, this resolution may take weeks and there is no guarantee that the family will complete this paperwork.
We have decided to come home and wait to see what will happen. If things are resolved and we receive permission to adopt the boy, we will fly back for the court date. If we do not receive permission to adopt the boy, we will need to reevaluate the situation.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Thursday Update
Jeff is in Odessa working with our in-region facilitator to get the permission to separate the boy. They went to the department that makes these decisions and were told - no, they will not separate the boy. They are filing a petition and running around Odessa trying to get this petition approved by many people as I type. I will not know until later how this turns out. If the petition is not approved, we have run out of options and must return home.
I remained back in the little city where the orphange is located, running errands and getting papers signed to allow the process to continue. The woman who runs the missionary has a son who teaches English, so he has been my escort.
However, I have just found out during these errands that all the official paperwork from Kiev has my name incorrect. They put my maiden last name instead of my married last name. Now, all the paperwork from Kiev must be redone and resent in order for us to proceed.
We keep hitting many, many roadblocks and yet we still feel that this is our child.
I remained back in the little city where the orphange is located, running errands and getting papers signed to allow the process to continue. The woman who runs the missionary has a son who teaches English, so he has been my escort.
However, I have just found out during these errands that all the official paperwork from Kiev has my name incorrect. They put my maiden last name instead of my married last name. Now, all the paperwork from Kiev must be redone and resent in order for us to proceed.
We keep hitting many, many roadblocks and yet we still feel that this is our child.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Having difficulties
We have run into difficulties with the adoption. The boy has two older sisters. The oldest sister has already been adopted. The younger sister is in the process of being adopted by a Ukrainian couple. This boy has a different father than his sisters, and has never met his sisters. In spite of this, we are having difficulty getting permission to separate the boy from his sisters. For the past 5 days, we have been running back and forth to Odessa to get paperwork and signatures, and there does not seem to be an end in sight. Because of this, our process is being delayed.
We have told our facilitators that we must have all of this resolved and moving forward by Friday. If not, we will return home without child. We do not have infinite time and money to spend here. In addition, the Inspector in the region is going on vacation for two weeks after Friday. If she is unable to complete the paperwork before leaving, we will be delayed further.
Our facilitator in the region has been wonderful. He is working very hard to try to resolve these issues quickly. Sometimes, it feels like he is the only person fighting to help us. If not for him we probably would have given up and returned home already.
We are very frustrated and saddened by the way this is turning out. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
We have told our facilitators that we must have all of this resolved and moving forward by Friday. If not, we will return home without child. We do not have infinite time and money to spend here. In addition, the Inspector in the region is going on vacation for two weeks after Friday. If she is unable to complete the paperwork before leaving, we will be delayed further.
Our facilitator in the region has been wonderful. He is working very hard to try to resolve these issues quickly. Sometimes, it feels like he is the only person fighting to help us. If not for him we probably would have given up and returned home already.
We are very frustrated and saddened by the way this is turning out. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Sunday Update
We spent yesterday in Odesa, getting the paperwork issues worked out. It was a busy day. Odesa is about a 2 hour taxi ride from where we are staying. It made for a really long day. We are staying in a Christian Missionary -- it is a church and clinic and the upper floor is a place where missionaries and adoptive parents are allowed to stay. It is clean and quiet and we are grateful to be there.
Today we visited with the boy. He recognized us right away and ran over to us. We played outside - he loves music very much. We played music from Jeff's iPod and he would not put it down. He sang and danced. Just like daddy. When we left, he was not happy and sat down outside the door and pouted. It was hard to leave him.
We will formally submit papers to adopt the boy. Tomorrow we will be busy in Odesa getting the paperwork on his sister. We understand that she is not available for adoption, but need to verify and get all the paperwork so that the boy is released to us. If you think there is a lot of paperwork and red tape at Ford, you should come over here for awhile! :)
We will try and post a picture of the boy when we can. We just need to figure out how to do this in Russian. Bye for now, more on Tuesday.
Today we visited with the boy. He recognized us right away and ran over to us. We played outside - he loves music very much. We played music from Jeff's iPod and he would not put it down. He sang and danced. Just like daddy. When we left, he was not happy and sat down outside the door and pouted. It was hard to leave him.
We will formally submit papers to adopt the boy. Tomorrow we will be busy in Odesa getting the paperwork on his sister. We understand that she is not available for adoption, but need to verify and get all the paperwork so that the boy is released to us. If you think there is a lot of paperwork and red tape at Ford, you should come over here for awhile! :)
We will try and post a picture of the boy when we can. We just need to figure out how to do this in Russian. Bye for now, more on Tuesday.
Friday, July 27, 2007
We have arrived in the region
After a long car ride, we arrived in region yesterday afternoon. We have had some struggles around paperwork - when we accepted the referral to see the young boy, we were told in Kiev that both of his sisters had been adopted out. When we arrived in region, no one knew about the girls or their status. In Ukraine, siblings cannot be separated for adoption - you have to take all of them.
Our facilitators have found out for certain that the oldest girl has been adopted (she is 7 or 8 years old) and that the other sister (3 years old) may already have a guardian. If so, she is not available to adopt. We have received a referral to visit her on Monday. She is in a different orphanage in Odessa, only 60 kilometers away. We will go there to find out the status of this girl on Monday, and if she is available, visit with her.
We visited the young boy last night. Dr. Yuri was able to examine the boy and give us his medical opinion. We also spent time with him this morning. The boy is delayed in his development (typical in the orphanage setting) but seems very happy and curious. We played outside with him for an hour and when he was supposed to go back to join his group, he sat down on the ground and cried and did not want to go back inside. We like this boy very much.
We have found an internet cafe here in town. We won't have any news to report until Monday or Tuesday and will update when we get a chance.
Please keep us in your thoughts. It is difficult being so far away from home. Kathleen misses the cats, Jeff misses the air conditioning and we both miss the Tigers games.
Our facilitators have found out for certain that the oldest girl has been adopted (she is 7 or 8 years old) and that the other sister (3 years old) may already have a guardian. If so, she is not available to adopt. We have received a referral to visit her on Monday. She is in a different orphanage in Odessa, only 60 kilometers away. We will go there to find out the status of this girl on Monday, and if she is available, visit with her.
We visited the young boy last night. Dr. Yuri was able to examine the boy and give us his medical opinion. We also spent time with him this morning. The boy is delayed in his development (typical in the orphanage setting) but seems very happy and curious. We played outside with him for an hour and when he was supposed to go back to join his group, he sat down on the ground and cried and did not want to go back inside. We like this boy very much.
We have found an internet cafe here in town. We won't have any news to report until Monday or Tuesday and will update when we get a chance.
Please keep us in your thoughts. It is difficult being so far away from home. Kathleen misses the cats, Jeff misses the air conditioning and we both miss the Tigers games.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Our SDA Appointment
We met with the SDA today and accepted a referral for a young boy who will be two in August. They did not have any sibling groups of 2 under the age of 6 -- all were much older. This boy's medical file says he is healthy but is slow development, just starting to walk and talk. We have heard that this is common for children in orphanages. We will leave very early on Thursday morning to go and see the child. Dr. Yuri will meet us there to examine the child and give us his medical opinion as well.
We hope this works out - the SDA says that there are 70 couples waiting for second referrals and that it is several weeks to get this second appt. The boy is located in Bilhorod-Dnistrovsky, just south of Odesa.
Jeff and I think that the SDA stacked the deck - most children they showed us had very bad medical files and were passed on by other families. There was only one good referral in the batch and they were hoping we would choose to visit this child. We feel very fortunate to have a good referral the first time through as many couple have not had this and are still waiting for their second appt.
We may be out of contact for several days and up to two weeks if we decide to adopt this child (depends if there is internet available in this location, we don't know).
We hope this works out - the SDA says that there are 70 couples waiting for second referrals and that it is several weeks to get this second appt. The boy is located in Bilhorod-Dnistrovsky, just south of Odesa.
Jeff and I think that the SDA stacked the deck - most children they showed us had very bad medical files and were passed on by other families. There was only one good referral in the batch and they were hoping we would choose to visit this child. We feel very fortunate to have a good referral the first time through as many couple have not had this and are still waiting for their second appt.
We may be out of contact for several days and up to two weeks if we decide to adopt this child (depends if there is internet available in this location, we don't know).
Monday, July 23, 2007
We are in Kiev!
We arrived safely after a very uneventful trip. Our apartment is nice, located just two blocks away from Independence Square. Our facilitator and interpreter are very nice and are taking good care of us. The money is easy to understand but we can only say good day and thank you in Ukrainian.
We had a tour of the cloisters today and that was interesting. Kathleen got in trouble because she was not wearing a skirt and did not have her head covered. So we had to purchase a head covering and borrow a robe. The place was quite impressive, one of the most holy places around.
Tomorrow we have our appt with the SDA. We hope to have good news!!!
We had a tour of the cloisters today and that was interesting. Kathleen got in trouble because she was not wearing a skirt and did not have her head covered. So we had to purchase a head covering and borrow a robe. The place was quite impressive, one of the most holy places around.
Tomorrow we have our appt with the SDA. We hope to have good news!!!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
5 Days Left!
5 days from now and we will be on our way to Ukraine. We are excited and exhausted!!!
The past 3 weeks have been spent working on the kids room. It took a lot longer than expected since there were 2 layers of wallpaper that had to be torn down before we could start painting. It was hot, exhausting work (90 degree temps) but it is finally finished. We went with a neutral cream color and white trim with a fun, colorful alphabet border and a cool bunk bed.
ALL of the wallpaper is now gone from our house! This was the last room that needed a major overhaul. We are going to take a break from any additional house project for awhile.
We will keep everyone posted when we arrive in Kiev. Keep us in your thoughts.
The past 3 weeks have been spent working on the kids room. It took a lot longer than expected since there were 2 layers of wallpaper that had to be torn down before we could start painting. It was hot, exhausting work (90 degree temps) but it is finally finished. We went with a neutral cream color and white trim with a fun, colorful alphabet border and a cool bunk bed.
ALL of the wallpaper is now gone from our house! This was the last room that needed a major overhaul. We are going to take a break from any additional house project for awhile.
We will keep everyone posted when we arrive in Kiev. Keep us in your thoughts.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
We leave for Kiev in three weeks!
Jeff and I are starting this blog so you can share in our adoption journey.
We leave for Ukraine (Kiev) in less than three weeks. Our flight is 8 hours to Frankfurt, a 4 hour lay over, and then a 2 hour flight to Kiev. I am hoping I can order soup at the Frankfurt airport since it is the only word I can remember from German class.
Jeff and I are hoping to adopt 1 or 2 children under the age of 5. We are flying in "blind", which means we have not met the child(ren), nor do we know if any in our age range will be available for adoption.
For those of you who are not familiar with the process of adoption from Ukraine, we fly out and meet with their national adoption agency (SDA) for one hour. Our appointment is scheduled for Tuesday, July 24th. During this time, they will show us 3-10 files on available children that meet our criteria. How many files you are shown is not consistent. I have read that some families have been shown 3 files, while others have been shown 10 files. Some families do not even get presented with children that meet thier criteria - too old, serious health concerns, etc.
You review the files presented to you, ask questions about the child(ren), and -- hopefully -- accept a referral to visit the child(ren). I have read many stories from people who have adopted and they say that when they are presented with the child they should adopt, they just "know" it is their child. If you do not accept a referral at this visit, you have to wait around Kiev a week or so for another appointment.
Once you have a referral, you leave Kiev and travel to the region where the child/orphanage is located. This can be 45 minutes away or a 15 hour train ride! At the orphange, you meet the director, discuss why you want to adopt and the director approves your visit. You then spend time with the child to determine their current health, if there is a bond, etc.
A decision is made on adopting the child and then there is a quite a bit of paperwork, a 10 day wait period and a court appearance if you choose to adopt them. This is probably the longest part of the trip (unless you have to wait for a second referral). If everything goes well, the adoption is finalized and you return to Kiev with the child(ren) to complete any remaining paperwork and fly home.
The entire process -- if it goes smoothly -- takes between 4 - 5 weeks.
Please keep us in your thoughts - we are hoping for the best possible outcome!
We leave for Ukraine (Kiev) in less than three weeks. Our flight is 8 hours to Frankfurt, a 4 hour lay over, and then a 2 hour flight to Kiev. I am hoping I can order soup at the Frankfurt airport since it is the only word I can remember from German class.
Jeff and I are hoping to adopt 1 or 2 children under the age of 5. We are flying in "blind", which means we have not met the child(ren), nor do we know if any in our age range will be available for adoption.
For those of you who are not familiar with the process of adoption from Ukraine, we fly out and meet with their national adoption agency (SDA) for one hour. Our appointment is scheduled for Tuesday, July 24th. During this time, they will show us 3-10 files on available children that meet our criteria. How many files you are shown is not consistent. I have read that some families have been shown 3 files, while others have been shown 10 files. Some families do not even get presented with children that meet thier criteria - too old, serious health concerns, etc.
You review the files presented to you, ask questions about the child(ren), and -- hopefully -- accept a referral to visit the child(ren). I have read many stories from people who have adopted and they say that when they are presented with the child they should adopt, they just "know" it is their child. If you do not accept a referral at this visit, you have to wait around Kiev a week or so for another appointment.
Once you have a referral, you leave Kiev and travel to the region where the child/orphanage is located. This can be 45 minutes away or a 15 hour train ride! At the orphange, you meet the director, discuss why you want to adopt and the director approves your visit. You then spend time with the child to determine their current health, if there is a bond, etc.
A decision is made on adopting the child and then there is a quite a bit of paperwork, a 10 day wait period and a court appearance if you choose to adopt them. This is probably the longest part of the trip (unless you have to wait for a second referral). If everything goes well, the adoption is finalized and you return to Kiev with the child(ren) to complete any remaining paperwork and fly home.
The entire process -- if it goes smoothly -- takes between 4 - 5 weeks.
Please keep us in your thoughts - we are hoping for the best possible outcome!
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